Parents!

PARENTS: Please take time to read this info or print it off and read at your convenience

.................................

:) Parent’s must be the primary source of information about sex :)

Study after study demonstrates that parental involvement is the single most critical factor affecting the sexual activity of teens!

When Should I Begin Talking to my Child About Sex?

Advice from The Power of Abstinence by Kristine Napier, M.P.H.

Communication Goals: How and When to Communicate

            4 Rules for Getting Started

            1.  Take a Stand! – Taking a stand is critical. Concrete recommendations versus the here-are-the-bare-facts, decide-for-yourself approach help kids the most. After all, when you teach a toddler about a hot stove, you don’t say, "The stove is very hot. You may or may not wish to touch it. Here’s an ice pack in case you decide to touch it." You probably said, "The stove is very hot. You will get hurt if you touch it, so don’t touch it." The same theory applies with sexuality. You, as a parent, have to take a stand. Even though it is not easy, it is critical for parents to bite the bullet and talk to kids about sex. Psychiatrist Dr. Derek Polonsky states, "Our kids are being bombarded with signals that say sex is power, sex is cool, sex is now. That’s why it is important for parents to overcome their awkwardness and give kids a different perspective on sex." When parents take a stand it is easier for their teens to follow suit. According to the Best Friends abstinence program in Washington, D.C., teens often make decisions without thought to possible consequences or consideration of alternatives. "It is during this time of development that teenagers are most in need of guidelines and support." Teens have to learn to make their own decisions, not simply copy what their friends are doing. In short, they have to take charge of their own lives.

       2.  Talk to Your Kids Before Someone Else Does and Talk Often – No one loves your children as you do. Only parents have the best interests of their children in mind all of the time. That’s why they depend on you to help them unravel the mysteries of life, including the mysteries of sex. And that’s why you should talk to your kids about sex before others do and then talk frequently. Remember, the first time is the hardest.

      3.   Trust Your Common Sense – As parents, you play a very critical role in helping your children take charge of their lives. Unfortunately, most of parenting is done by trial and error. As you consider helping your kids unwind the mysteries of sex and how it fits into their lives, don’t abandon your common sense. Common sense, for example, helps you develop a strategy to deal with drugs and smoking: using these substances is fraught with so many risks that we wouldn’t think of teaching them responsible use. Similarly, common sense tells most of us that teen sexual activity is too risky for their future health and emotional development.

      4.  Remember Your Dream; Visualize It – You should keep in mind your goals and dreams for your children as you think about how to help them understand sex. When you think about their future, do you hope that they will one day marry and enjoy a long life of love, commitment, and fidelity? Helping them delay sexual activity until they are truly ready to share intimacy is one way to help them achieve this goal. Don’t lose sight of that!

            1. Understand Where Your Teen is Coming From

1. In order to communicate with your teenagers, you have to understand where they are coming from. Here are a few reasons that help explain why it may be so difficult to communicate with them:
   1. Teens don’t know where they fit on the maturity scale. Yesterday they were playing with trucks and dolls, and today they’re having to contemplate the adult world, including condoms, drugs, college, and a career
   2. Not only are they caught between childhood and maturity, their bodies are now alien to them. Their hormones are surging, which puts them on an emotional roller coaster and leaves them with such glaring reminders as pimples and private body parts transforming by the minute.
   3. In early adolescence, teens reorient their world and even their emotions. As friends play an increasingly important role, teens are more likely to confide in their peers than in their parents. As they reach their late teens, they are still more likely to talk with friends than with parents- by some estimates, they talk with friends three times more often than with their parents. But they’re more likely to talk to their parents about serious topics and goals and more likely to talk to their peers about light topics and intimate subjects.
   4. Adolescents are susceptible to peer pressure for a logical reason: adolescence is a period of self-discovery, and discovering one’s identity is seeing how people react to certain behaviors and personality traits.
   5. Adolescents are still primarily concerned with serving themselves. This means it is difficult for them to give to others in the unselfish manner that is necessary to have a mutually satisfying sexual experience.
   6. Beyond peer pressure, there are many nonsexual motivations for engaging in sexual intercourse, including rebellion; expressing sexual orientation, hostility, or revenge; escaping from reality; seeking help; self-destruction; and desire for love and affection
   7. Teens are often irrational. They may often have a difficult time understanding your perspective. They may not have the developmental maturity and may be too self-centered to appreciate other perspectives.
   8. Be consistent in your love and guidance: expect emotional outbursts; model respectful communication. If your teen lapses into disrespectful talking make it clear that you will engage in communication only under conditions of mutual respect.
   9. It is perfectly natural for them to pull back from you, reject your advice or your protection. That is just part of spreading their wings. That doesn’t mean you should step aside too far. While they are exploring their independence, they need your guidance and to hear your consistent expectations of them even more.
   10. It is natural for them to challenge you. In exploring their independence and establishing their own authority, they will question your authority. Expect to be challenged and don’t be threatened. Sometimes, their challenges are an expression of their need for reassurance and a definition of the rules and regulations. Try hard to avoid a discussion turning into an argument!

           2.    10 Communication Goals

1. Develop an Attitude That is Inviting
2. Avoid Preaching
3. Strive to be an "askable" parent
4. Be Approachable
5. Let Them See You as a Sensitive, Loving, Human Being
   1. Acknowledge How Hard It Is For You
   2. Acknowledge How Hard It Is For Them
   3. Acknowledge that Teens – Like Every Other Human Being – Need to Feel Love and Share Intimacy
6. Help Them Understand the Human Dimensions of Sex
7. Be Factually Correct
8. Acknowledge Other Messages
9. Be Clear That Abstinence Is an Attainable and Desirable Goal
10. Develop Their Character

1. What Do I Say?
   1. How Does Sex Fit Into A Relationship?
   2. What is Abstinence and What Makes it Achievable?
   3. What Influences Teen Sexual Activity?

    

1. Parent Resources
   1. The Power of Abstinence, by Kristine Napier, M.P.H.
   2. Choosing the Best Parent Book; order at www.choosingthebest.org/book.htm
   3. 1-877-PA HEALTH
   4. www.aimforsuccess.org
   5. Sex Is More Than A Plumbing Lesson by, Patty Stark
   6. Beyond the Birds and The Bees by, Beverly Engel
   7. Beyond the Big Talk by, Debra W. Haffner

.......................................................................