How Do I Say NO And Keep My Boyfriend or Girlfriend?

Choosing to wait to have sex is the best decision for your health and future. Even if you’ve had sex before you can still say no to future sexual relationships. Here are some tips for keeping your decision …and your relationship

Be honest … think positively and be clear about your decision to wait until marriage for sex with your boyfriend or girlfriend. Know why you want to wait … there are good reasons not to have sex right now talking to your boyfriend or girlfriend about them will help them understand your position. Discuss how even “safe sex” isn’t always and the consequences of having sex. Explain that you really care, that you can be in love without having sex. Choosing to wait is one of the best ways to show that you care about each other and your futures.

Practice … write down what you want to say about your decision to wait to have sex. Practice in front of the mirror or with a friend you trust. Use a firm voice, look the person in the eye, look serious and like you mean what you are saying.

Don’t wait until you’ve gone too far … Once you are hot and heavy it’s tough to stop. Decide before you start kissing how far you are willing to go. Talk about it as a couple at a time and place that feels safe and private. Discuss what situations could lead to trouble (like being in the backseat of the car or alone together at home) talk about ways to avoid these situations.

Don’t give mixed messages … If you say no mean it. Be firm, use body language such as standing or sitting up straight and avoiding body contact. Clearly state your limits and stick to them. Even if you’ve said yes before you can still say no now. If you need to get up and walk away from the situation before it gets out of control.

Offer alternatives … Many teens have sex because they have nothing else to do or are bored. Plan your dates and keep them full of activities that are shared with other friends or are in public places. Have a plan for how you will get home if the situation gets out of control and you need to leave

Stand up for yourself … choosing to have sex is your decision, no one has a right to pressure you or force you. Remind your partner that if they truly love and respect you they won’t pressure you to have sex. You have a right to have someone who cares more about you than about sex. Let them know your decision is about your values and future - doing what is best for you. Say no clearly, directly and firmly and say it often. If the person still won’t accept your decision then leave the situation

Don’t use drugs and alcohol … Using drugs and alcohol can cause you to do things you don’t want to do and make it harder to say no.

How to be a better lover …

Respect yourself. If you don’t respect yourself, no one else will. You don’t have to have sex just to please someone else. Sex isn’t the only thing that makes you worth loving.

Be confident, have a mind of your own. No one likes a wimp. People like people who aren’t afraid to stand up for what they believe in. So don’t have sex just because you think everyone else is.

Don’t get trapped. Relationships can get very heavy very fast once sex is involved. If commitment and responsibility hit a relationship too early, it brings out the worst in everyone.

Care about the other person. Pressure isn’t sexy. If the person you’re with isn’t ready for sex, don’t push. Show that you know your relationship is a tow-way street.

Know about the other person. People love to be with someone who understands them. Taking time to find out what the other person really wants will make your relationship better.

Kiss the fears goodbye. Fears about pregnancy, AIDS, and other disease can make you worried, confused, mad, anxious - and not very attractive to be around.

Keep something you can both look forward to. If it’s the right person, your feelings will grow and last without sex. Just knowing that you’re saving sex for marriage can make your relationship even more special.

Be totally free. No getting pushed around by what other people say. No pressure to make commitments to someone until you want to. No fears about disease or pregnancy. No risking your whole future for a few minutes of fun now. This is the freedom you have when you decide to save sex for later. And that’s the kind of attitude it’s very easy to fall in love with.